For real, Dinah

I need to use this time in my life to focus more on more collaborative efforts. The "This is the Sound of How I Feel For You" tape series has slowed down, as I'm not as completely insane as I was before. I can't seem to write a decent song or make a decent art unless there is some great emotional conflict in my life. All I have is the conflict of my ambivalence toward nearly everything, besides that toward which I feel solely apathy.









Primarily, everything that I encounter in life is unattractive. Albeit, there are a few things which are sexy. These things are:
1. Vulnerability
2. The music of John Maus
3. Highwaters

Not to be confused with that which is romantic, for there are many other things that fall under such a category. Raconteurs, the French Language, old-school chivalry, and so on. It's just really cool when you remember that there are at least three sexy things that exist out there, and occasionally you cross paths with them.






I used to dream when I was younger that I'd be some kind of genius, but I don't really do much of anything I guess.

A really neat thing happened today. I was stung by a wasp, and this kid told me to stick tobacco on it. The nicotine draws out the venom, which creates a sense of relief and reduces swelling.



It's weird - I just keep thinking "I'm really lonely, and that stinger is still inside of my leg."

If the day came when I felt a natural emotion, I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean

When I was in 7th grade, I wrote a play that the school performed, called "Untitled". It was about a boy, played by myself, who was the outcast/androgynous punk kid at school. Everyone made really bad fun of me for that. I sat on my computer and listened to the Clash and wished I was a cool older person who wrote hip blogs instead of plays.



But here I am, jobless, listening to the Clash on my computer, writing in my hip blog, and I'd give anything to be a freaky 7th grader who wrote plays, and who did not have the lungs of someone who has smoked for 7 years.

I'd give anything to be there, in love for the first time ever; doing every single thing for the first time ever.