watching clarissa, my brain explains it all

"you can't run away," she says. "just think of your friends."
"you're my only friend."
"I know. I mean, think of me."
I think, "He felt her up in that shirt at some point. Does he remember the shirts he felt me up in?"
She drops herself onto the bed. "You just want to be listening to Echo and the Bunnymen on a yacht somewhere but"
Do you ever find yourself saying a word to yourself out loud that is utterly irrelevent? Do you ever find yourself running?
It's infected, it's not closed up, I want to let it close up I
"Maybe I don't exist; maybe I am an atom on the palm of a giant!" Clarissa Darling shouts, insecure about her being due to family history
while I am just watching this show so high, can't tell if I am
him, him, him, him, him, whyyyyyyyyyy

And in reality, I want to feel something so good and I can't find it really. I am trying to be less cohesive when making art or expressing myself. It is not the nature of my mind. I have no goals, but want absolutely everything.